That night should’ve happened in another dimension
How beautifully tragic,
A pain unfamiliar,
Part of a different past.
But I wouldn’t trade anything.
Which only makes it worse
One where I’m stronger, freer
One not being torn apart by
Hinged ions ripping to shreds
The framework of my security
Once in a while
Once in a lifetime
I don’t understand
Why should a person cause themselves such pain? Yet suffer through willingly and without regret?
Perhaps because in keeping the pain alive I keep alive
the serendipity of something bigger than myself.
Keeping the hope alive that there is wonder left in the world.
That there is good left, roads not taken.
I wish I could have known the road less traveled from the others.
One that would have lead me here, but from another direction.
Instead I get only flickers through hinged ions that offer brief glimpses
Glimpses that show connections to what those alternate universes contain
Their own struggles I’m sure, but this ion shines so bright today
Rising a lump in my throat in its fleeting glimmer
But solace is derived from knowing that perfection remains just that.
Never will I remember it with the bitter sense of promises broken, never with the disappointment of lost integrity.
Untarnished and preserved forever
Yet without risking those things there is a different pain that arises
Not quite regret, something larger- a loss that is a ghost of heartbreak
A mere echo, yet longer lasting than corporal existence because
Without logic how can you rationalize? After the passion fades there are no facts with which to comfort yourself-
no reaching a compromise between heart and mind.
Your mind can only analyze
what if scenarios with perfect data. Your mind becomes the unlikely ally to your heart.
Ironically that’s how it started.
Blue Mystery, a journey,
fragrant scents from another continent.
Being happy to be wrong because of discoveries.
Locke and Hobbes and not settling for almost.
Flickers of hinged ions like the stars above grand central-
ones that never go out
Never go to sleep
And forever endure the test of time
But what can you do? There’s no going back, you can’t even change the future in that you can only change the moment.
That’s how the whole thing started.
Wandering home, looking like something out of a movie.
I wondered how it would end, how it would part- climatically? Calmly?
One last glance and the spell was broken —
the whole thing never started.