I am in a place so far away from where I was six years ago.
I forget sometimes about rose bushes and leaves drying upside in open rusty windows.
I forget sometimes about sunsets that become clearer when two sets of eyes can see them together
sometimes I forget to wish for love
Sometimes coffee shops are spots to be spotted at alone
Sometimes my heart stops as I think about alone
which is sometime I am okay with sort of
I am okay with long lines sleepless nights endless sentences the lack of resolve in the sound of an ungrammatical sentence
what are you chasing down the field that is yellow and green and brown and empty.
It’s a compulsion you still find pacifying.
I like music because it takes me across the room out the door and past the confusion of jobs and diseases cars and money.
Now I know that I have friends that like me good days and bad
i have friends with kids
friends in medical school
a whole bunch of engineers
friends in church
boys in hipster jeans
women who know the reality of who I am
boys who’ve found me alluring for more than a month
I haven’t figured out my next step
I haven’t figured out
going from nothing to something
from death to sunrise
walking to running
hoping to believing
wanting to acting
fearing to maintaining that ability to live for month without a prescription